How does YOUR garden grow?

My title sounds like a bad euphemism, but I assure you, it's not. I genuinely am curious.  Cause our garden? Not so hot.  We have several issues going right now which are preventing us from having the glorious thriving garden we dreamed of.  Part of what drew us to our house in the first place was the fantastic yard and flower/garden space.  We could have gardened at our rental, but come planting time we knew we would be gone before we could reap the benefits, so it seemed futile.  So this spring we got a little overzealous and spent about $40 on local, organic seeds (because we are hippies doncha know), and got to digging.  Sean got the veggie bed all turned over and I planted two stargazer bulbs, of which I seem to have managed to keep one alive. And since I have killed cacti, this is a feat.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is where we stalled. Partly because we work weird hours, and partly because there are some issues to contend with.

1.
The bed which I have claimed for my own personal flower orgy has three of...these. I don't know what they are. I am going to dig them up. As far as I can tell, they are  massive, leafy green blobs, and I don't like them. So they are going away. 

2. What real estate isn't take up by blobulis greenphilia is full of mint. And I mean full.  Don't get me wrong, I like mint. Some will be kept. But dear god. Do I need this much?


3. Funny Eleanor-doesn't-know-shit-about-gardening story. So the following picture is the bed we designated as the herb garden. It's right off the patio and near the kitchen, so therefore perfect. Well it was full of weeds, which I planned on going at in my normal style of bare handed weed pulling frenzy.  My mother sees the bed a couple of weeks ago and remarks, "Wow, your yard has a TON of poison ivy." Yes. Those weeds I was going to go nuts on? Poison ivy. It's EVERYWHERE.  Now, I don't think I get it that bad, as I have only had it once in my life, but still. Pulling up massive amounts of poison ivy in shorts, tank top, and barehanded? I would have been miserable.  So spray has been acquired and sprayed, but I think we need more. I also don't think we can viably grow edible plants in this bed this year, so herbs will have to be grown elsewhere. Anyone who knows about gardening, please feel free to chime in and tell me that I am wrong. Please?